We are more than half way through this first month of the year and I am so tired of hearing about New Year's resolutions from every e-mail subscription that I subscribe to... Aren't you? It's enough to make me unsubscribe!
If you are like me, I never set New Year's resolutions... Nope, not ever! Is that a strange idea to you? Let me explain why I never set resolutions... my husband describes it best in a Twitter feed he posted at the beginning of Jan: "My New Year’s resolution: nothing. I never wait for an event to create change in myself. I am constantly evolving." ~ @robburgoyne
The best way to get what you want is consistent applied action... Key word here is CONSISTENT! This requires planning to some degree and which is different to New Years resolutions.
Let me explain a little psychology here about the state of unhappiness we put ourselves in when we mope around about the things we feel bad about... Like failing to fulfill those New Year resolutions lol.
You see; when you have a vision for your life you want and the reality of the life you're living don't match up; there is a huge disconnect. You just can’t seem to figure it out and so you get discouraged and get demotivated, sad, numb to caring or whatever it is you tend to feel when life or a particular part about your life just doesn't match up to your higher ideals... What's the end result? We give up; get sad, blame others and our actions don't get near to matching this "blue print" of the life we really want.
Does that make sense? Does it resonate? Which areas in your life are you unhappy with and have accepted that "this is just the way it is" nonsense? If you really want to shift something in one or other area in your life, you have got to step up the attitude to match... and if you read my updates, you know I'm all about stepping up the quality of life!
Negativity emotions are there for a purpose, mostly to remind you get get your self into gear. But sometimes we forget how to harness the negative feedback we play over in our heads like a stuck record Toney Robbins calls that the "Crazy-Eight" model. If you can turn that negative inner critic into your inner friend, the whole dynamic shifts. Instead of punishing yourself with thoughts like "You failed, yet again" you become a friend who holds yourself accountable and instead you'll say: "Well, that didn't work out so well, lets try it this way". You are no longer the victim of your circumstances, but the master and creator of you life.
I can hear you saying..."So how do I do that Madelain?"
Here are some actions steps you can take (an emotional coherence method) to steer you back into reaching your ultimate happy potential when you get to the low, discouraged place:
Getting Down and Dirty With the Emotions = More Follow-Through:
1) Identify where you live emotionally in that low place:What’s the pattern? What thoughts plague you mind... You can hear yourself saying not so awesome things to you. You want to identify the things you say to yourself and then identify the emotion it makes you feel. Like I said, don't make the negative wrong, just understand why it's there to address the core issue.
I'll give you an example from my own personal life:
So I'm a mom and an entrepreneur, sometimes I can get it into my head that I'm selfish and an bad mom for wanting to work and not stay home with my child and that makes me feel the emotions of: guilt, confusion, insecurity, dividedness... and at time I get real defensive about it, think dragon lady! Umm hmm, it aint pretty! It's so easy for me to get so caught up in these emotions that can actually make me sad and depressed.
So what do you think about in this way; what gets your buzz down? Write it down... What thoughts trigger it and what the emotions are associated with it. Good!
2) What is the antidote for those emotions you just identified?E.g. to get myself out of that bad emotional rut, I think about the antidote emotions to those I listed above.
•Guilt = Purpose. I know that the work I do is only a few hours in a day. I also know that I am always going to be there for my son. I also know that I'm a better mother for fuelling and fulfilling my need to add purpose and help others to bring more meaning into their lives and by so doing, teach my son by example to do the same. Wow... perspective can really blow all that guild right out of those clouds in my mind!
•Confusion = Clarity. I remind myself that I have always known that I would have a purpose larger than myself and that being a mother is only one aspect to the growing person I am. I am never more fulfilled when growth is at large. I know the proof... Once upon a time I felt stagnant in this area and my family suffered for it. I can serve them better when I serve my purpose.
•Insecurity = Security/ Groundedness. I remind myself that my fears are not reality and that every moment; I can choose to change things for the better. This is a broad one as insecurity comes from a line of the rights we believe we are or are not entitled to.
•Divided = Unified. I can make a conscious effort and play and spend quality time with my son. If I fill his need for engagement and love with me, the relationship we have will be more meaningful... emphasis on Full!
Perhaps here you can make a list of two columns: A) all the tough emotions you tend to get stuck in & B) all the antidote emotions on this side as the counter parts to column A).
Tip: The emotion of Gratitude is an all-rounder... this is one of the best emotions that bring us back into congruence and can be used as the counterpart to most negative emotions we tend to feel.
3) Practice the emotion of the antidote!You can even try to get yourself into that foul mood: Do what the body physically does (do the body language that goes along with your not so great emotions), hear those pesky thoughts and once you're there, just slam on those antidote emotions. Physically you want your body language to match the antidote emotion; body language is definitely huge here! So Smile... How fast did it work?
If you need a little more than just thinking... do as I demonstrated above in step 2) and write it out. Write the emotions you feel out on a piece of paper; then write out the antidote emotion, but elaborate on the antidote emotion. e.g. "I know that... I... Because....” This one is very effective.
4) Condition this exercise!The more you practice, the faster you can access and tap into your happy state and get out of that crazy nonsensical state and carry on with the vision you have for yourself, whether it's loosing that weight, getting up and coming to my early morning yoga classes, starting a healthy eating habits and sticking to it, dealing with paying off that nagging debt etc.
About Your Blue Print:Sometimes your blue print needs tweaking or updating. As we grow as individuals and if you happen to hit your mark time and again... we do develop new Blue Prints. This is our nature; growth.
Learning to match your emotions to the life you want (intentions or your blue print) will help you to match the actions because this will be your resolution full time. In that case, right now is a good time to start!
Remember: That life is full of challenges as you reach for your marks; it is these challenges that will grow your aptitude and resilience for life, psychological strength and an immunity that is open to even more growth. This sort of persistence will guarantee your success.
Bonus: If you like my article and find it useful, please take a moment to go to my Facebook page post here post a comment underneath this post including your e-mail address of how you found this newsletter useful and share it; I'll send you a free digital coherence meditation method. Much obliged!
Are you mad about your life or are you Mad-crazy-in-love with Your Life and what are you going to do about it YO?!